Author: youareguru

Survival kit: advice for a lifetime!

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Stop wasting your time on self-flagellation! No one is perfect! You worth so much more than you think! There are 6 best pieces of advice for a lifetime. Print it and put it next to your eyes, so every time you’ll have some doubts, you’ll know what to do!

  1. Act on it now! Don’t wait for a perfect moment. The perfect moment is here and now! Proceed immediately! If you want to do something great one day, remember one day It’s today. – George Lucas.
  2. Invent as you go! Don’t wait till you become a pro into something. If you want to try something new, start businesses, or enroll some educational program – allow yourself to learn in a process. Studies show that the most talented interpreters are the people who start their businesses with a high level of motivation and persistence. Most of the knowledge they have now were gutted in the process.
  3. Just keep doing! Give your dream at least an hour of your time, but every day. Persistence is the key to your success. Stay humble and work!
  4. Cry inside like a winner! 🙂 Well, what can I say? no one likes people who complains. Everyone have problems. If you able to get attention from the other person, use it to learn, gain, or sail something. Never complain. No one’s care! 🙂
  5. Give the price of your words! If you can’t keep your promises what kind of impression you’ll get? Same about people who likes to talk just for shaking the air to look cool. Words mean nothing! Don’t overtell! And if you a promising something – give a price of your words! Make a “contract” and find a third party to prove it! If you are planning to achieve your goal by the end of this year what will be your punishment if you fail? This is actually very cool system. You’ll have not only natural motivation but also people who will watch your success and the feelings of losing something important/expensive for you. (By the end of 2016 I will lose 25 pounds! And if I’ll fail I’ll give away my new Iphone7! How about that? Motivating isn’t it? 🙂 One little remark here, when you a giving a price to your promise this price would be equal to your outcome. In other words, the feeling of losing should be equal the happiness when you’ll achieve your goal.
  6. Do it fast! Don’t spend much time on taking a decision. There are lots of techniques that can help you with making a difficult decision, for example, Descartes square:desc_1But if you still can’t make a decision., leave it and think about it tomorrow. Next morning is the best time for your brain to make a decision, it’s free from pressure and excitement.
  7. What hurts you now, leads the wisdom later! And this is literally about everything! Take it to your own personal situation in the past and you’ll see.

Hope this will help you and take care:)

How to win negotiations: survival kit!

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Hi, guys! In our previous blog, we’ve mentioned about the way to disarm your partner who is seeking for a confrontation and the ability to have in a cool head. Now we’ll dig into the actual methods of productive negotiations. Use one this model according to your own personal situation, it works!

  1. All discussed questions should relate directly to the subject of controversy. According to this model, the negotiation process will be based, on a particular subject of your contention. Following the discovery of the underlying issues and sources of a conflict, you’ll consider possible alternatives which will help you to resolve the conflict.
  2. Positional based model. This model involves steps such as seeking of mutually beneficial alternatives for a both parties. Their assessment of the feasibility, adjustment to each other and dealing with their arguments for a certain point of views. This model will ideally fit you if you are a tough type of a guy/girl. Bcoz the only options here are – be tough or you will be nudged! If you know that you are soft hearted person, most likely you’ll take the opposite side position, even if you’re right. You’ll take it as a compromise just to avoid personal conflict. But compromise, as you know it’s a win-lose position. If you taking a compromise, you losing something. Always. The winner will be the side who will take this situation as a contest of will!
  3. Interest based model. Everyone has hidden interest. So, before you’ll negotiate, spend some time to thinks/find out the hidden interest of your partner. If you know what they want you’ll rule the game. This model will ideally fit you if you are an analytical and observing type of a guy/girl.
  4. Principled negotiation or negotiation on the merits.This model developed at Harvard University. According to this model, the problem will be solved on the basis of the qualitative properties of the problem. This method involves the desire to seek mutual benefit in the same issues where the interests of the parties being in a conflict.6This requires two conditions:
    • a hard-line approach to the consideration of the merits
    • a soft approach to the relationship between the negotiators

 And four distinctive features:

  • Separate the subject of controversy from the “people’s problems.” You need to deal with the problem and not with each other. So, the first recommendation will be to distinguish the action between the subject of negotiations and relations between the participants.
  • Focus on interests, not positions.
  • Develop mutually beneficial options for both of you. It’s quite difficult to give up on your own point of view when you taking the other side position.
  • Insist on using objective criteria. The decision should not depend on the will of each of the parties. It must show some equitable norms.

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At the end, I would like to add that your success of negotiations depends not only on your chosen model but also on the position you take.

If you’ll stay in the closed position, your partner will probably perceive you as a slimy type of guy/girl who will try to avoid their true interests. It may cause mistrust.  And as a result, you may get delays in your negotiations. Heighten the conflict situation is not conducive to openness between partners.

But if you will stay open about your fears, clear with position, and honest. If you will try to emphasize community between both of you and your positions, most likely you’ll cooperate and get a win-win position.

Take care and good luck! 😉

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How to win negotiations: their tricks, your mistakes!

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The goal of any negotiations is settlements the disputes between the parties. Not always it will cause a conflict situation. But this is what you want to know to be prepared.

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Every negotiation process has the same constant stages:

1. Clarification of interests.
2. Discussion stage.
3. Work on the agreement.

Progress in the negotiations depends on the approach to the interaction which will be chosen by each party. Basic approaches are confrontation (bargaining) and partnership (a joint analysis of the problem).

If you are dealing with confrontation, here are the tricks you’ll meet from the other side:

  • Pressure in order to force you to agree on the proposed decision from the other side
  • Extension of ultimatums
  • Overstatement of the original requirements
  • False placement of accents (in the tough situation could be a pure extortion)
  • Extension of the requirements at the last minute
  •  Increasing demand
  •  “Waiting” or “silence” methods
  • “Flattery” if the other side is in the weaker position
  • “Salami” technique. This is when the other side is giving you the information by very small portions ( “thin slices”)
  • “Double interpretations”. Double meaning formulations in the final documents.

If you are dealing with partnership, you may expect this:

  • Increasing alternative solutions
  • The most pressing issues will be put on a side. The decision will be made not on the full range of problems and controversial issues will be out of the question
  • One party  will offer the principle of partition (to cut functions, territories, powers) and the other party will have to choose between them
  • Increasing the complexity of the issues

You also can expect unethical methods that can be used against you by the other side. Such as:

  • Delay of negotiation
  • Contracts with hidden dual structure
  • Could be used various kinds of tricks
  • Failure of obligations
  • Emphasizing high self-worth
  • Downplaying the other side
  • Rejection of the agreements that have been achieved

The best way to disarm the partner who is seeking a confrontation is countered his own communicative competence. What that mean is basically you want to invite him to build a partnership with you by using appropriate methods of communications. 

There are several methods and models for the productive negotiations, which we’ll cover in our next blog. But now let’s talk about most common mistakes you can make.

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  1. “It’s all clear!”  When one of the parties thinking this way, the situation is overly simplified. After all, once everything is clear, then there is nothing to discuss. So, there is no problem.
  2. “You trying to seek a mote in other’s eyes when theres a beam in our own”. It’s easy to see other’s shortcomings. However, in a conflict situation, you can’t blame just one side. On the other hand, if you’ll try to doubt  your own previous actions, with the desire to look at the situation through the eyes of your partner, and to see your own mistakes you’ll contribute cooperation between two parties.
  3. “I see myself as a generous person!” In every conflict situation, each party will think  that the truth is on their side. Everyone feels right, and the opposite party considers unfair. But prejudice is not the best background for negotiations.
  4.  “Double morality”. It’s not even about using “double standards” which exacerbates the conflict. But in a situation of disagreement, each party perceives their own  actions, as a legitimate rule, and actions of the other side as impermissible.
    Cooperation in that case, as you understand can’t be achievable.

Lots of problems also coming from the personal characteristics of each party, such as their character (choleric and phlegmatic, extrovert and introvert, etc.); their tendency to temper, resentment, irritability; difficulties in the perception of information; inadequate communication technology (partner manipulation, inadequate communication role, communicating position).

It is crucially important to control your emotional sphere. When a person “overwhelm” with emotions, it is impossible to LISTEN to the other side and correctly  express your own thoughts.
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To be continued…

Psychologically proven facts, which explains a lot…

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1. The average length of time which every woman able to keeps a secret is 47 hours 15 minutes.

2. To be alone for a too long as harmful as if you would smoke 15 cigarettes a day.

3. Bilingual people may unconsciously change their character when they are switching from one language to another.

4. People who are constantly trying to make others, at the end, are often being left alone.

5. Emotions are not affecting our style of communication. The way we say things really affecting our mood!

6. The higher human’s intelligence, the faster he thinks and the more promiscuous he is in handwriting.

7. People who have very strong sense of guilt, very well distinguishing emotions of others. They are the best detectors.

8. Men are not funnier than women, they just release more jokes, and never thinks whether other people like it or not.

9. Usually, the best pieces of advice will be given to you by those people who had lots of difficult moments and struggles in life.

10. On the first date, you can learn a lot about a person’s character, look at the way he/she treats the waiter or waitress.

11. Women are attracted to men who have a low husky voice because they seem to be very confident, but not aggressive.

12. Unsociable people always talking about themselves very little but most of the time you got the feeling that you knew them for a long time.

13. Women have two times more pain receptors than men, but also two times more pain threshold of tolerance.

14. When a person listens to music at the high frequencies, he becomes more relaxed, happy and relaxed.

15. If you have buzzing thoughts and you can’t sleep bcoz of it, write them down. Your head will become lighter and clearer.

16. SMS with the wishes of good morning and good night will activate part of the brain which is responsible for your happiness.

17. If you do things that scare you, you will become happier.

18. Friendship with someone, which we are starting in the period between 16 and 28 years, usually the most robust and long-lasting.

19. The happier we are, the less time we need to sleep.

20. When we being hurt and holding the hand of our loved one, we don’t feel so much pain and become less anxious.

21. People with the higher level of intelligence have fewer friends than the average person. The smarter we are the more selective we become.

22. There is a huge possibility that the marriage with your best friend will be more robust, and strong. That can decrease the risk of divorce by 70%.

23. Women who have most friends – men are more often being in a good mood.

24. Travel is beneficial to your mental health as well as it reduces the risk of your heart attack and depression.

25. You look much more attractive at the moment when you sharing your stories with interest and enthusiasm.

You are not ready yet!

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When I was a little girl I had to go in two schools the same time. First one was my original public school and the second one is musical. While other kids were playing around and being social after their lessons, I studied. And I can’t complain about that because I grew pretty curious and energetic kid. But my mom was very busy with her work, so the best way was to keep me busy with something while she is not around.

I enjoyed my literature lessons, where we had role-reading in class. And I remember how our teacher brought a novel one day. It was “Perfumer: The Story of a Murderer” by Patrick Suskind. And she made an open reading with this book from our lesson. And for those of you who never heard about this story, the novel tells about identity problems, the morality of the human spirit and communication. It was brave! We were around thirteen or fourteen years old only. And she let us talk about such thinks, she starts to ask our opinions. Later she represents for us very unique writers such as Bernard Weber, Paulo Coelho, and many others.

Of course, we always follow the ‘must have’ school program. She was a great teacher. Everything she brought for us extra was up to her. She wants us to discover the world of literature not in limitation of a school program. She wants us to try something different, to see the different point of views, and not to be quite about big problems.
Also, I enjoyed music. And my very first instrument was a violin. First, few years were amazing. I’ve been so much curious about my little violin. But later I got bored and lost any interest. In fact, my fingertips on a left-hand start lose sensitivity. And I couldn’t play these endless gamuts anymore. But my mom said, ‘You have to finish what you started’. So I came to my teacher and ask, maybe we can have some fun in our lessons? Maybe we can learn some modern songs to play? But she gave me a straight heavy look and said, ‘You’re not ready yet.’ And I wasn’t ready even after 3 more years. My rating scale was pretty down. I start to find silly excuses not to go to my musical school at all.

My mom saw my struggle, so she got for me another teacher. I was really dawned that I just can’t get rid of this music. I was tired. Other kids are having fun, they play, they hanging out. And I am the geeky girl who must distinguish Rimsky-Korsakov from Rachmaninoff by listening short pieces of their music on sol-fa lessons.

But I got a new teacher. And I even got a new instrument – the piano! The endless hell of sol-fa wasn’t finished for me. But! My new teacher was pretty amazing. She had composer classes. And the best part of these classes is that you never do any mistakes. Bcoz you are the one who creates the music. So I did. She was very supportive. She never says that I am doing the wrong tune if my music sounds bad. She just said, ‘its sounds unfinished, so you have to develop it to something else. Play some more.’ Also, she had a daughter almost my age. And Sasha was like me, she plays violin and piano. So we start to create our music together. It was really a good time. That’s how I learn about Jazz and Blues and Soul music. And it stole my heart.

Later, when I start having my own students (any kind of age) I learned, that you can give somebody wings to fly and creates unforgettable memories. And those would be not only memories but opportunities, the new skills, the spirit.

This is not about being ready or not ready to the learn something. This is about how bad you want it? And how many times you’re ready to fail and start over? 

When the kid starts learning how to walk he never questioned, ‘I fail all the time… maybe it just not mine? Maybe I was born to crawl?’

Yes, we all need to be trained. We all need to be educated. Education is everything but you can kill it with the low level of engagement for your students.

Even now, when I am learning something new I always meet ‘the bad’ and ‘the good’ teacher. But if your teacher/mentor/business coach make an accent that you are not ready to try something new/to do something/to learn something – walk away!

The World is big. There are millions teachers and mentors who would love to show you “the world” 🙂 without cutting your self-esteem off. Just keep on search it!

Good luck!

P.S. I lil bit of bio as an example. Maybe someone had been experienced like that too? Please share with me your stories. Lots of love. Thanks!;)

Passionate heart and a cool mind

aa4ddfd4b5f6ea67163f0c2906d6f1f2 A passionate heart is great! No doubts, it’s always the best motivation in things you do and with people you love. If you living the life full of passion you living with the feelings that you able to move mountains. Every day is such a journey! Big passion creates big ambitions. It is killing your fear and letting you dare to meet challenges without hesitation.

But when your passion is leading you. When your emotions getting out of control, there is a big possibility to destroy your life.

Strive to balance – should become our life motto!

Look at people around you. They are living in status quo “not enough”… Not enough food, not enough money, not enough lovers, not enough fame/appreciation  e.t.c. They strive for excesses and don’t even think that they are walking a tightrope.

When your emotions are controlling your life you can’t have a sober view of things. And that means that you will probably become a hostage of your “dreams”.

It’s ok. We all have it once in a while. Our ego loves to play with us 🙂 Here are some tips that helping me to chill out and look at the situation with a different perspective. Hope you will find if helpful too 😉

  • No drama! Don’t overestimate the problem! Calm down and get yourself together. Soberly assess the situation. Follow your thoughts. See which way it goes and try to find at least more than 2 possible scenarios to your problem. Every problem has a solution! Tune in a positive way and you will feel much better. That will help you to win the time before you’ll actually do something about it. Do not panic!
  •  Create a calm space.  Try to get rid of all that the white noise around you (everything that can bother you and put you in a more frustration and stress). This may be a noisy place, emotional people around you, cell phone, tv and so on. Some people get more panic from the actual silence. If you want to think about your situation, analyze it and find a solution to it, create/find calm space for you. So nothing can bother.
  • You CAN control your emotions! Learn to control your emotions. No need to panic, screaming and fall into hysterics. Try to relax and breathe calmly. First of all take off your shoes and the belt (if you have it)! You need to stabilize your blood pressure and relax your muscles. Breathe deep and slow for a few minutes. Till you will feel that your heartbeat getting slower. Turn your focus to your right foot and focus on the way it feels. Then to the left foot. Relax your muscles and keep breathing. Slowly move up through your body. Keep breathing. In may took you 8-10 min. But you will feel better. You will be more stable and calm. You’ll succeed when you’ll try. That technique works with most of the people.

    Before you’ll share your problems with anyone (!)

    Independently think about your situation, weigh all the “pros and cons”. Think which way will help you to solve the problems as you consider in the most successful way? Don’t report to all the people around you about your current situation. Chill out and think over yourself first. And only then, if it’s necessary, share with others.

    Always listen to your inner voice! If you can’t hear it, train yourself. Spend more time with yourself. Meditate. And don’t be too hard on yourself. Sometimes all that we have to do, is just switch our attention to something else. And the solution will come.

    All the answers are withing us! It’s always better to have a passionate heart with a cool  mind. Then burning yourself from the inside 😉

Take care!

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If I can’t have it, neither can you!

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Today I had pretty interesting phone call.  It was an international call with one of my peer. We talked about qualification, certifications, and many other random things. I shared with her my ideas about traveling, internships. And how is nowadays, to have an international real life experience, brings you move value as a specialist on a “market” than a bunch of diplomas on your wall.

I told her that is an amazing thing to have a cosmopolitan life and be able to meet new cultures, peers and exchange experiences. Try things you’ve never tried before! Come up with your own methods and techniques in your work!  Get new mentors! At the end of the day, you can see new opportunities for business if you are interested. Isn’t it’s great?

But she didn’t share my excitement. In fact, she told me that she is already reached her “higher level of self-development” as a specialist and she is able to teach everyone else. That to “go global” is a waste of time, extra stress, and a possibility gets diarrhea…

I didn’t start a fight with her. But it made me think. How many people around us just sitting on their buts to get their check paid? Seriously!  They don’t need anything! They don’t care how they are influencing your life. They don’t care will you get a real knowledge or not? Will you become someone and grow? Will you reach your dreams? They against every possible change, because being out of the comfort zone didn’t guarantee a paid check for them! After all, such people will use their best efforts to make you think that you are ” such a dreamer” (in the very best polite way).You know… I’ve been upset after talking to her, to be honest. But then I remember one story.

There is such a wonderful thing called the crab bucket theory which literally means a short-sighted way of thinking or myopic thinking.  In short, it says that the crabs are such a stupid animals that individually each of them could easily get out of the bucket. But when one of them is trying to get out, the others is clinging to his back and tightened him.

So as people, when you are trying to quit smoking and someone will say, “I tried  for a few days and it didn’t work. You are gonna fail too! Haha” and you’ll take it. And later will smoke without feeling of guilt…  It’s a crab bucket! When you are trying to follow a healthy diet someone will tell you, “Dude, it’s just a question of a time, you’ll still keep dream about it! Eat some donut! You’ll start your diet tomorrow. – yes, crab bucket!

Unfortunately, it’s a human nature… We can’t  do anything about it, except for one thing! We have to be stronger than the bucket and push forward, even when a hundred people are pulling you back!