Category: lifestyle

Survival kit: advice for a lifetime!

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Stop wasting your time on self-flagellation! No one is perfect! You worth so much more than you think! There are 6 best pieces of advice for a lifetime. Print it and put it next to your eyes, so every time you’ll have some doubts, you’ll know what to do!

  1. Act on it now! Don’t wait for a perfect moment. The perfect moment is here and now! Proceed immediately! If you want to do something great one day, remember one day It’s today. – George Lucas.
  2. Invent as you go! Don’t wait till you become a pro into something. If you want to try something new, start businesses, or enroll some educational program – allow yourself to learn in a process. Studies show that the most talented interpreters are the people who start their businesses with a high level of motivation and persistence. Most of the knowledge they have now were gutted in the process.
  3. Just keep doing! Give your dream at least an hour of your time, but every day. Persistence is the key to your success. Stay humble and work!
  4. Cry inside like a winner! 🙂 Well, what can I say? no one likes people who complains. Everyone have problems. If you able to get attention from the other person, use it to learn, gain, or sail something. Never complain. No one’s care! 🙂
  5. Give the price of your words! If you can’t keep your promises what kind of impression you’ll get? Same about people who likes to talk just for shaking the air to look cool. Words mean nothing! Don’t overtell! And if you a promising something – give a price of your words! Make a “contract” and find a third party to prove it! If you are planning to achieve your goal by the end of this year what will be your punishment if you fail? This is actually very cool system. You’ll have not only natural motivation but also people who will watch your success and the feelings of losing something important/expensive for you. (By the end of 2016 I will lose 25 pounds! And if I’ll fail I’ll give away my new Iphone7! How about that? Motivating isn’t it? 🙂 One little remark here, when you a giving a price to your promise this price would be equal to your outcome. In other words, the feeling of losing should be equal the happiness when you’ll achieve your goal.
  6. Do it fast! Don’t spend much time on taking a decision. There are lots of techniques that can help you with making a difficult decision, for example, Descartes square:desc_1But if you still can’t make a decision., leave it and think about it tomorrow. Next morning is the best time for your brain to make a decision, it’s free from pressure and excitement.
  7. What hurts you now, leads the wisdom later! And this is literally about everything! Take it to your own personal situation in the past and you’ll see.

Hope this will help you and take care:)

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How to win negotiations: survival kit!

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Hi, guys! In our previous blog, we’ve mentioned about the way to disarm your partner who is seeking for a confrontation and the ability to have in a cool head. Now we’ll dig into the actual methods of productive negotiations. Use one this model according to your own personal situation, it works!

  1. All discussed questions should relate directly to the subject of controversy. According to this model, the negotiation process will be based, on a particular subject of your contention. Following the discovery of the underlying issues and sources of a conflict, you’ll consider possible alternatives which will help you to resolve the conflict.
  2. Positional based model. This model involves steps such as seeking of mutually beneficial alternatives for a both parties. Their assessment of the feasibility, adjustment to each other and dealing with their arguments for a certain point of views. This model will ideally fit you if you are a tough type of a guy/girl. Bcoz the only options here are – be tough or you will be nudged! If you know that you are soft hearted person, most likely you’ll take the opposite side position, even if you’re right. You’ll take it as a compromise just to avoid personal conflict. But compromise, as you know it’s a win-lose position. If you taking a compromise, you losing something. Always. The winner will be the side who will take this situation as a contest of will!
  3. Interest based model. Everyone has hidden interest. So, before you’ll negotiate, spend some time to thinks/find out the hidden interest of your partner. If you know what they want you’ll rule the game. This model will ideally fit you if you are an analytical and observing type of a guy/girl.
  4. Principled negotiation or negotiation on the merits.This model developed at Harvard University. According to this model, the problem will be solved on the basis of the qualitative properties of the problem. This method involves the desire to seek mutual benefit in the same issues where the interests of the parties being in a conflict.6This requires two conditions:
    • a hard-line approach to the consideration of the merits
    • a soft approach to the relationship between the negotiators

 And four distinctive features:

  • Separate the subject of controversy from the “people’s problems.” You need to deal with the problem and not with each other. So, the first recommendation will be to distinguish the action between the subject of negotiations and relations between the participants.
  • Focus on interests, not positions.
  • Develop mutually beneficial options for both of you. It’s quite difficult to give up on your own point of view when you taking the other side position.
  • Insist on using objective criteria. The decision should not depend on the will of each of the parties. It must show some equitable norms.

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At the end, I would like to add that your success of negotiations depends not only on your chosen model but also on the position you take.

If you’ll stay in the closed position, your partner will probably perceive you as a slimy type of guy/girl who will try to avoid their true interests. It may cause mistrust.  And as a result, you may get delays in your negotiations. Heighten the conflict situation is not conducive to openness between partners.

But if you will stay open about your fears, clear with position, and honest. If you will try to emphasize community between both of you and your positions, most likely you’ll cooperate and get a win-win position.

Take care and good luck! 😉

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How to win negotiations: their tricks, your mistakes!

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The goal of any negotiations is settlements the disputes between the parties. Not always it will cause a conflict situation. But this is what you want to know to be prepared.

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Every negotiation process has the same constant stages:

1. Clarification of interests.
2. Discussion stage.
3. Work on the agreement.

Progress in the negotiations depends on the approach to the interaction which will be chosen by each party. Basic approaches are confrontation (bargaining) and partnership (a joint analysis of the problem).

If you are dealing with confrontation, here are the tricks you’ll meet from the other side:

  • Pressure in order to force you to agree on the proposed decision from the other side
  • Extension of ultimatums
  • Overstatement of the original requirements
  • False placement of accents (in the tough situation could be a pure extortion)
  • Extension of the requirements at the last minute
  •  Increasing demand
  •  “Waiting” or “silence” methods
  • “Flattery” if the other side is in the weaker position
  • “Salami” technique. This is when the other side is giving you the information by very small portions ( “thin slices”)
  • “Double interpretations”. Double meaning formulations in the final documents.

If you are dealing with partnership, you may expect this:

  • Increasing alternative solutions
  • The most pressing issues will be put on a side. The decision will be made not on the full range of problems and controversial issues will be out of the question
  • One party  will offer the principle of partition (to cut functions, territories, powers) and the other party will have to choose between them
  • Increasing the complexity of the issues

You also can expect unethical methods that can be used against you by the other side. Such as:

  • Delay of negotiation
  • Contracts with hidden dual structure
  • Could be used various kinds of tricks
  • Failure of obligations
  • Emphasizing high self-worth
  • Downplaying the other side
  • Rejection of the agreements that have been achieved

The best way to disarm the partner who is seeking a confrontation is countered his own communicative competence. What that mean is basically you want to invite him to build a partnership with you by using appropriate methods of communications. 

There are several methods and models for the productive negotiations, which we’ll cover in our next blog. But now let’s talk about most common mistakes you can make.

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  1. “It’s all clear!”  When one of the parties thinking this way, the situation is overly simplified. After all, once everything is clear, then there is nothing to discuss. So, there is no problem.
  2. “You trying to seek a mote in other’s eyes when theres a beam in our own”. It’s easy to see other’s shortcomings. However, in a conflict situation, you can’t blame just one side. On the other hand, if you’ll try to doubt  your own previous actions, with the desire to look at the situation through the eyes of your partner, and to see your own mistakes you’ll contribute cooperation between two parties.
  3. “I see myself as a generous person!” In every conflict situation, each party will think  that the truth is on their side. Everyone feels right, and the opposite party considers unfair. But prejudice is not the best background for negotiations.
  4.  “Double morality”. It’s not even about using “double standards” which exacerbates the conflict. But in a situation of disagreement, each party perceives their own  actions, as a legitimate rule, and actions of the other side as impermissible.
    Cooperation in that case, as you understand can’t be achievable.

Lots of problems also coming from the personal characteristics of each party, such as their character (choleric and phlegmatic, extrovert and introvert, etc.); their tendency to temper, resentment, irritability; difficulties in the perception of information; inadequate communication technology (partner manipulation, inadequate communication role, communicating position).

It is crucially important to control your emotional sphere. When a person “overwhelm” with emotions, it is impossible to LISTEN to the other side and correctly  express your own thoughts.
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To be continued…

You are not ready yet!

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When I was a little girl I had to go in two schools the same time. First one was my original public school and the second one is musical. While other kids were playing around and being social after their lessons, I studied. And I can’t complain about that because I grew pretty curious and energetic kid. But my mom was very busy with her work, so the best way was to keep me busy with something while she is not around.

I enjoyed my literature lessons, where we had role-reading in class. And I remember how our teacher brought a novel one day. It was “Perfumer: The Story of a Murderer” by Patrick Suskind. And she made an open reading with this book from our lesson. And for those of you who never heard about this story, the novel tells about identity problems, the morality of the human spirit and communication. It was brave! We were around thirteen or fourteen years old only. And she let us talk about such thinks, she starts to ask our opinions. Later she represents for us very unique writers such as Bernard Weber, Paulo Coelho, and many others.

Of course, we always follow the ‘must have’ school program. She was a great teacher. Everything she brought for us extra was up to her. She wants us to discover the world of literature not in limitation of a school program. She wants us to try something different, to see the different point of views, and not to be quite about big problems.
Also, I enjoyed music. And my very first instrument was a violin. First, few years were amazing. I’ve been so much curious about my little violin. But later I got bored and lost any interest. In fact, my fingertips on a left-hand start lose sensitivity. And I couldn’t play these endless gamuts anymore. But my mom said, ‘You have to finish what you started’. So I came to my teacher and ask, maybe we can have some fun in our lessons? Maybe we can learn some modern songs to play? But she gave me a straight heavy look and said, ‘You’re not ready yet.’ And I wasn’t ready even after 3 more years. My rating scale was pretty down. I start to find silly excuses not to go to my musical school at all.

My mom saw my struggle, so she got for me another teacher. I was really dawned that I just can’t get rid of this music. I was tired. Other kids are having fun, they play, they hanging out. And I am the geeky girl who must distinguish Rimsky-Korsakov from Rachmaninoff by listening short pieces of their music on sol-fa lessons.

But I got a new teacher. And I even got a new instrument – the piano! The endless hell of sol-fa wasn’t finished for me. But! My new teacher was pretty amazing. She had composer classes. And the best part of these classes is that you never do any mistakes. Bcoz you are the one who creates the music. So I did. She was very supportive. She never says that I am doing the wrong tune if my music sounds bad. She just said, ‘its sounds unfinished, so you have to develop it to something else. Play some more.’ Also, she had a daughter almost my age. And Sasha was like me, she plays violin and piano. So we start to create our music together. It was really a good time. That’s how I learn about Jazz and Blues and Soul music. And it stole my heart.

Later, when I start having my own students (any kind of age) I learned, that you can give somebody wings to fly and creates unforgettable memories. And those would be not only memories but opportunities, the new skills, the spirit.

This is not about being ready or not ready to the learn something. This is about how bad you want it? And how many times you’re ready to fail and start over? 

When the kid starts learning how to walk he never questioned, ‘I fail all the time… maybe it just not mine? Maybe I was born to crawl?’

Yes, we all need to be trained. We all need to be educated. Education is everything but you can kill it with the low level of engagement for your students.

Even now, when I am learning something new I always meet ‘the bad’ and ‘the good’ teacher. But if your teacher/mentor/business coach make an accent that you are not ready to try something new/to do something/to learn something – walk away!

The World is big. There are millions teachers and mentors who would love to show you “the world” 🙂 without cutting your self-esteem off. Just keep on search it!

Good luck!

P.S. I lil bit of bio as an example. Maybe someone had been experienced like that too? Please share with me your stories. Lots of love. Thanks!;)

If I can’t have it, neither can you!

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Today I had pretty interesting phone call.  It was an international call with one of my peer. We talked about qualification, certifications, and many other random things. I shared with her my ideas about traveling, internships. And how is nowadays, to have an international real life experience, brings you move value as a specialist on a “market” than a bunch of diplomas on your wall.

I told her that is an amazing thing to have a cosmopolitan life and be able to meet new cultures, peers and exchange experiences. Try things you’ve never tried before! Come up with your own methods and techniques in your work!  Get new mentors! At the end of the day, you can see new opportunities for business if you are interested. Isn’t it’s great?

But she didn’t share my excitement. In fact, she told me that she is already reached her “higher level of self-development” as a specialist and she is able to teach everyone else. That to “go global” is a waste of time, extra stress, and a possibility gets diarrhea…

I didn’t start a fight with her. But it made me think. How many people around us just sitting on their buts to get their check paid? Seriously!  They don’t need anything! They don’t care how they are influencing your life. They don’t care will you get a real knowledge or not? Will you become someone and grow? Will you reach your dreams? They against every possible change, because being out of the comfort zone didn’t guarantee a paid check for them! After all, such people will use their best efforts to make you think that you are ” such a dreamer” (in the very best polite way).You know… I’ve been upset after talking to her, to be honest. But then I remember one story.

There is such a wonderful thing called the crab bucket theory which literally means a short-sighted way of thinking or myopic thinking.  In short, it says that the crabs are such a stupid animals that individually each of them could easily get out of the bucket. But when one of them is trying to get out, the others is clinging to his back and tightened him.

So as people, when you are trying to quit smoking and someone will say, “I tried  for a few days and it didn’t work. You are gonna fail too! Haha” and you’ll take it. And later will smoke without feeling of guilt…  It’s a crab bucket! When you are trying to follow a healthy diet someone will tell you, “Dude, it’s just a question of a time, you’ll still keep dream about it! Eat some donut! You’ll start your diet tomorrow. – yes, crab bucket!

Unfortunately, it’s a human nature… We can’t  do anything about it, except for one thing! We have to be stronger than the bucket and push forward, even when a hundred people are pulling you back!

 

 

Wide lens for your life

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When you questioning yourself about life and how things should go in your life. Take a moment and ask yourself this…

What is your life about? Do you like an old man or like a young and full passion man?

What is worse, fall or never try

If life is too short, why do you do things that you don’t like? And why you almost don’t have time for something/someone you really love?

If you are allowed to change only one thing in the world, what would it be?

If happiness will be the national currency, what kind of work would make you rich?

Do you do things for what you believe, or trying to believe in what you are doing?

If the average human life lasted 40 years, what would you change in your life, so you live it in the most exciting way?

What makes you worry the most: to make things right or do the right thing?

If you will have lunch with three people you respect and appreciate. And they will start to criticize your close friend, not knowing that you are friends with him. You know that this criticism is unfair and humiliating. What will you do?

If you could give to a kid only one piece of advice, what would you say?

Would you break the law in order to save a loved one?

What in this life do you differently than other people don’t? How do you different from others?

How is it that, that something that makes you happy, doesn’t make happy other people?

What do you really want to do, but never tried before? What is stopping you from that?

Why do you hold something for so long, when you know that it’s time to let go?

If you will have to move to another country, where would you move and why?

Why do you do it? Is it really what you want? Is that you?

What are you most thankful for?

What would you do if your greatest fear became real?

Do you remember how you were terribly upset 5 years ago? Does it matter now?

What is your happiest memory of childhood? What makes it so?

If not now, then when?

If you haven’t achieved something yet, what is missing in your action plan?

Why are the people who preach love, are causing so many aggression and violence?

Is it possible to be clear and straight about what is good and what is bad?

If you will get a million dollars now, would you quit your job?

Do you have the feeling that today is the day that you lived before? Dejavu?

When was the last time you started to be active about something and take actions on it?

If everyone you know will die tomorrow, who you will visit first?

Would you like to exchange the 10 years of your life to worldwide fame and awesome physical appearance?

What is the difference between  life and existence?

When it comes time to observe the risks and take actions why do you stop?

If we learn from our mistakes, why are we afraid to make them?

What would you do differently, if you will know that no one will blame and judge you for that?

When was the last time you noticed the sound of your own breathing? Your heartbeat?

What do you love? What do you do to express your love?

For each day of the past 5 years, will you be able to remember what did you do yesterday? The day before yesterday?

The decisions are taken here and now. Do you take it yourself or someone takes them for you?

How to get rid of negative thoughts?

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How often do you fall into negative thoughts for a day? Just think about it? We are more willing to talk about things that we don’t like, rather than things we like! Wich means, we would prefer to criticize everything that goes around us and spends our pressure lifetime on that, rather that just be happy! That’s crazy!

I am guilty too, to be honest… a few days ago I’ve been insane to see how easily people I love giving up on their dreams and prefer nothing but to go with a flow! And they call it “the God’s will”… Well, I DO LOVE GOD! Nothing against it, but your journey into the wild is really on your own! God is just a guide. Doesn’t mean he will do the job for you! You have to do it yourself via experience, mistakes, lessons, pain, and so on. But that’s just me and my own point of view.

Anyway, if you falling into the same problem of having negative thoughts or being judgemental and critics, here are 4 simple methods to ger rid of it!

Cut it off!

As soon as you feel that your start falling into negative thoughts, simply cut it off. Don’t spend the time to analyze it or beat it! Don’t try to hide or protect yourself from it, simply replace it with something else. And the key principle here is you should do that immediately. At the very first moment, as soon as you felt negativity!

The issues in quotes.

This method is different from the first one. Here we distance ourselves from the negativity and watch it from the side. We need to switch our attention and perception of the information from the inside world to the outside. Don’t let the situation master you. Sometimes you may think, “What’s happening to me?” – Today I had such a thought… Put your buzzing thoughts in quotes and simply watch it from the side.
Negative thoughts have power over you if only you respond to them.

Exaggerate it!

Once you’ll find yourself in a negative place, you have to exaggerate it to the absurd. And the key point is to make it funny! You have to catch yourself on negative thoughts because your consciousness is the great deceiver. Every day your brain is trying to play with you some kind of a joke. Have you noticed it? Allow urself to make fun of your problems and create an absurd in your head. That will help you to deprive the negative thought influence. Because negative thoughts have power over you only if you respond to them.

Opposition.

All that the negative thought has said to us, we have to turn it to the exact opposite. Once you got the idea, “I won’t be able to make a sale,” you have to replace it with the opposite thought. Like so, “I certainly will be able to make a sale”. If you thought comes, “I will never be able to achieve financial success in life”, you should immediately replace it with such a statement as, “I’m sure I will achieve huge financial success in life.” As soon as the thought came: “I am such a looser. Everything I do is such a failure. I can’t do anything!” – you need to say to yourself, “I can do anything! I am unique and a very unusual man.”

I know, it is absolutely impossible to think about the negative and positive things at the same time. Because your consciousness can think of one thing at the time only. But when you’ll dispose the negative thoughts and replace it with the positive one, negative thought won’t have an influence over you.

Be creative with these methods and choose the one that will work for you the most! Do not let negativity rule your life!