Category: self-esteem

You are not ready yet!

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When I was a little girl I had to go in two schools the same time. First one was my original public school and the second one is musical. While other kids were playing around and being social after their lessons, I studied. And I can’t complain about that because I grew pretty curious and energetic kid. But my mom was very busy with her work, so the best way was to keep me busy with something while she is not around.

I enjoyed my literature lessons, where we had role-reading in class. And I remember how our teacher brought a novel one day. It was “Perfumer: The Story of a Murderer” by Patrick Suskind. And she made an open reading with this book from our lesson. And for those of you who never heard about this story, the novel tells about identity problems, the morality of the human spirit and communication. It was brave! We were around thirteen or fourteen years old only. And she let us talk about such thinks, she starts to ask our opinions. Later she represents for us very unique writers such as Bernard Weber, Paulo Coelho, and many others.

Of course, we always follow the ‘must have’ school program. She was a great teacher. Everything she brought for us extra was up to her. She wants us to discover the world of literature not in limitation of a school program. She wants us to try something different, to see the different point of views, and not to be quite about big problems.
Also, I enjoyed music. And my very first instrument was a violin. First, few years were amazing. I’ve been so much curious about my little violin. But later I got bored and lost any interest. In fact, my fingertips on a left-hand start lose sensitivity. And I couldn’t play these endless gamuts anymore. But my mom said, ‘You have to finish what you started’. So I came to my teacher and ask, maybe we can have some fun in our lessons? Maybe we can learn some modern songs to play? But she gave me a straight heavy look and said, ‘You’re not ready yet.’ And I wasn’t ready even after 3 more years. My rating scale was pretty down. I start to find silly excuses not to go to my musical school at all.

My mom saw my struggle, so she got for me another teacher. I was really dawned that I just can’t get rid of this music. I was tired. Other kids are having fun, they play, they hanging out. And I am the geeky girl who must distinguish Rimsky-Korsakov from Rachmaninoff by listening short pieces of their music on sol-fa lessons.

But I got a new teacher. And I even got a new instrument – the piano! The endless hell of sol-fa wasn’t finished for me. But! My new teacher was pretty amazing. She had composer classes. And the best part of these classes is that you never do any mistakes. Bcoz you are the one who creates the music. So I did. She was very supportive. She never says that I am doing the wrong tune if my music sounds bad. She just said, ‘its sounds unfinished, so you have to develop it to something else. Play some more.’ Also, she had a daughter almost my age. And Sasha was like me, she plays violin and piano. So we start to create our music together. It was really a good time. That’s how I learn about Jazz and Blues and Soul music. And it stole my heart.

Later, when I start having my own students (any kind of age) I learned, that you can give somebody wings to fly and creates unforgettable memories. And those would be not only memories but opportunities, the new skills, the spirit.

This is not about being ready or not ready to the learn something. This is about how bad you want it? And how many times you’re ready to fail and start over? 

When the kid starts learning how to walk he never questioned, ‘I fail all the time… maybe it just not mine? Maybe I was born to crawl?’

Yes, we all need to be trained. We all need to be educated. Education is everything but you can kill it with the low level of engagement for your students.

Even now, when I am learning something new I always meet ‘the bad’ and ‘the good’ teacher. But if your teacher/mentor/business coach make an accent that you are not ready to try something new/to do something/to learn something – walk away!

The World is big. There are millions teachers and mentors who would love to show you “the world” 🙂 without cutting your self-esteem off. Just keep on search it!

Good luck!

P.S. I lil bit of bio as an example. Maybe someone had been experienced like that too? Please share with me your stories. Lots of love. Thanks!;)

If I can’t have it, neither can you!

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Today I had pretty interesting phone call.  It was an international call with one of my peer. We talked about qualification, certifications, and many other random things. I shared with her my ideas about traveling, internships. And how is nowadays, to have an international real life experience, brings you move value as a specialist on a “market” than a bunch of diplomas on your wall.

I told her that is an amazing thing to have a cosmopolitan life and be able to meet new cultures, peers and exchange experiences. Try things you’ve never tried before! Come up with your own methods and techniques in your work!  Get new mentors! At the end of the day, you can see new opportunities for business if you are interested. Isn’t it’s great?

But she didn’t share my excitement. In fact, she told me that she is already reached her “higher level of self-development” as a specialist and she is able to teach everyone else. That to “go global” is a waste of time, extra stress, and a possibility gets diarrhea…

I didn’t start a fight with her. But it made me think. How many people around us just sitting on their buts to get their check paid? Seriously!  They don’t need anything! They don’t care how they are influencing your life. They don’t care will you get a real knowledge or not? Will you become someone and grow? Will you reach your dreams? They against every possible change, because being out of the comfort zone didn’t guarantee a paid check for them! After all, such people will use their best efforts to make you think that you are ” such a dreamer” (in the very best polite way).You know… I’ve been upset after talking to her, to be honest. But then I remember one story.

There is such a wonderful thing called the crab bucket theory which literally means a short-sighted way of thinking or myopic thinking.  In short, it says that the crabs are such a stupid animals that individually each of them could easily get out of the bucket. But when one of them is trying to get out, the others is clinging to his back and tightened him.

So as people, when you are trying to quit smoking and someone will say, “I tried  for a few days and it didn’t work. You are gonna fail too! Haha” and you’ll take it. And later will smoke without feeling of guilt…  It’s a crab bucket! When you are trying to follow a healthy diet someone will tell you, “Dude, it’s just a question of a time, you’ll still keep dream about it! Eat some donut! You’ll start your diet tomorrow. – yes, crab bucket!

Unfortunately, it’s a human nature… We can’t  do anything about it, except for one thing! We have to be stronger than the bucket and push forward, even when a hundred people are pulling you back!

 

 

Wide lens for your life

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When you questioning yourself about life and how things should go in your life. Take a moment and ask yourself this…

What is your life about? Do you like an old man or like a young and full passion man?

What is worse, fall or never try

If life is too short, why do you do things that you don’t like? And why you almost don’t have time for something/someone you really love?

If you are allowed to change only one thing in the world, what would it be?

If happiness will be the national currency, what kind of work would make you rich?

Do you do things for what you believe, or trying to believe in what you are doing?

If the average human life lasted 40 years, what would you change in your life, so you live it in the most exciting way?

What makes you worry the most: to make things right or do the right thing?

If you will have lunch with three people you respect and appreciate. And they will start to criticize your close friend, not knowing that you are friends with him. You know that this criticism is unfair and humiliating. What will you do?

If you could give to a kid only one piece of advice, what would you say?

Would you break the law in order to save a loved one?

What in this life do you differently than other people don’t? How do you different from others?

How is it that, that something that makes you happy, doesn’t make happy other people?

What do you really want to do, but never tried before? What is stopping you from that?

Why do you hold something for so long, when you know that it’s time to let go?

If you will have to move to another country, where would you move and why?

Why do you do it? Is it really what you want? Is that you?

What are you most thankful for?

What would you do if your greatest fear became real?

Do you remember how you were terribly upset 5 years ago? Does it matter now?

What is your happiest memory of childhood? What makes it so?

If not now, then when?

If you haven’t achieved something yet, what is missing in your action plan?

Why are the people who preach love, are causing so many aggression and violence?

Is it possible to be clear and straight about what is good and what is bad?

If you will get a million dollars now, would you quit your job?

Do you have the feeling that today is the day that you lived before? Dejavu?

When was the last time you started to be active about something and take actions on it?

If everyone you know will die tomorrow, who you will visit first?

Would you like to exchange the 10 years of your life to worldwide fame and awesome physical appearance?

What is the difference between  life and existence?

When it comes time to observe the risks and take actions why do you stop?

If we learn from our mistakes, why are we afraid to make them?

What would you do differently, if you will know that no one will blame and judge you for that?

When was the last time you noticed the sound of your own breathing? Your heartbeat?

What do you love? What do you do to express your love?

For each day of the past 5 years, will you be able to remember what did you do yesterday? The day before yesterday?

The decisions are taken here and now. Do you take it yourself or someone takes them for you?

The importance of the positive experience

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Today I want to share with you one secret that made a lifetime changes for me. I got it from my coach. Several years ago, when I had sports training I’ve been a very insecure type of person. Moreover, I was very dispersed. I got inspired easily, but I had such a lack of determination to go through the whole process.

In fact, seeing the success of others didn’t bring me as much motivation, as it brings me an inferiority feeling. The idea of competition just terrified me. Why compete if I will lose anyway? Even the fact that my body physic was better and I were stronger. I spend hours and hours of training every day. I almost didn’t have rest days. And when I did, I felt guilty. And the more I trained the more unreliable and inferiority I felt. I didn’t even realize what kind of pressure I’m putting myself in with no reason. And no one told me that. Until him…

He starts to train me and on the second day he told me: “You don’t have a positive experience, don’t you?”
I didn’t understand him, “What do you mean?”
He: “When you never experienced something in your life, you don’t know that you can, deserve or able to win that.”
Me: “Yes, but I am trying so hard. I work every day to become better. I sweat, I got injuries, I risk!”
He: “No matter how hard you’ll work on that. Do you even win something before? Do you ever compete at this level for real?”
“No, I don’t…” – I was so upset. All trying for nothing. I was frustrated.
He: “Look I didn’t say that you can’t do it. I just said that you have a lack of positive experience. Fix that and you will be able to do a lot!” 

And then he told me about the positive experience approach in his training.

The idea of this approach is that no matter what you do, always complete it on a positive note. Seek for a happy ending whatever it sounds like 😉
The benefit of the positive experiences will appear only when your subconscious mind will be saturated with the positive memories from the past, which increases self-esteem and motivating for new achievements.

Efficiency terms:

  • follow the working/training system
  • availability information/resources and it’s feasible
  • constant work every day – just keep doing!
  • control and correction results
  • summary your personal qualities and identify your “cool” factor
  • the combination of individual, group and collective forms of efforts, and so on.

When your positive experience is strong enough you will remember it every time, when you will start something new. So you will reduce fear and pressure, and prejudgment from the beginning. And that means that the possible level of your success will increase in many times.

A human being with a strong positive experience is inherently more resistant to different types of failure and shocks in life, which can easily crush anyone, but not him!

Take care! And seek for a happy ending  in everything you do. Whatever it sounds like 😉

 

On the way to be free!

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Too high expectation about yourself or how your life should be like do nothing but prevent you from being happy.

You always say NO to something or someone new in your life if your past is still here. If subconsciously you are still holding it, by being undercover of the word – experience.

Set you free. On the way to perfection, we go through a lot. And completely forget about one little thing. When we are free we are capable to self-healing.

Look at people when they are under pressure. Or when they have stress. Depression. Anxiety. Do they have clarity in their situation? Do they able to look at their problems from the perspective of the other side? Do they know what to do?

How to get back the ability of self-healing?

A broken heart and a pain that we are experiencing from a lot of different situations in obtaining the life experience really make us closed and isolated from society. “I like him/her so much. I am afraid to do something wrong. What if something happens and he/she gonna hate me after?”

Don’t make your life even more complicated! You need to believe that being flexible is good for you. Be faithful to your ideals but don’t forget to smooth the corners. No ones are perfect! And life isn’t always about perfect moments and opportunities all the time. It’s not about being someone people want you to be 24/7. It’s insane.

  1. Get rid of your buzzing thoughts! Sports will help.
  2. Break any pressure. Sports will help.
  3. Treat yourself. Just because you are awesome! No need to find a super reason. Maybe  you are an amazing singer/artists/creator? Learn how to feel good by walking under the gray sky.

Always seek a balance between positive and negative experiences in your life. If the last week were tough for you, treat yourself to something good. It doesn’t always have to be something that solving your problems. Just seek for something that will make you feel better. A positive experience will make you stronger. And little by little, you will gain your freedom back.

Always keep you dignity and take care.

It’s all based on the first impression. Take a look.

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Have you ever been rejected by others? How many times you’ve been experienced refusal? How many of you have bad relationships with the family of your loved ones, just because you didn’t like them at the first sight?

It’s all based on the first impression. Take a look.

The first impression is an opinion about a human being, which is formed by your partner in the first minutes of your first meeting. It’s based on several characteristics: age, language, gender, physical appearance, accent, vocal variety, cultural stereotypes, race, posture and so on. The first impression is forming for a few seconds (from lots of recourses it’s 4 seconds if you are interested) and it’s fixing in the next minutes. It gives a further evaluation to your identity and activities you make.

You probably heard different points of view about the first impression. Some people would say that the first impression is never accurate and you need time to actually know somebody. Someone will tell you that your feelings about the person in the first few seconds when you just met him/her are true. And they all are gonna be right. Everybody is different some people are more open and receptive than others. And for some, the first impression is the actual profession, such as actors, TV hosts, sales managers, and others.

But here is the fact. American scientists made an experiment base on 3 stages.

  • On a first stage, they would ask people take a look at a picture of some random strangers and make a judgment about them. Give them a rate.
  • On a second, they would have to meet these people (from pictures) in person, spend some time together. And stay connected with them during 1 month.
  • And on the final stage, they would have to tell scientists what they actually feel about those people who they judged on the begging of their experiment. How accurate the first impression was and who are those people in real life.

It’s quite interesting but almost all first impressions which based on pictures of strangers were accurate to the impression when the experimental group met those strangers in person.

Now, let’s look at the factors that affecting your first impression:

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Physical appearance. We give beauty the force for good. We tend to think that all that is beautiful is often good and right for us. And beautiful people just can’t be harmful.

No wonder that media highlights a “special” physical appearance. Most of the TV stars and idols are all like the top of selection bias. Of course, it’s not always natural, but it works. You like them; you want to buy from them, you trying to copy their looks and behavior. You spend money on them!

In some countries, the question of how good looking you are may cost a new job with the bigger salary.

Most attention will attract the face. The face will be considered beautiful if it symmetrical and harmonic. An expressive face will get a lot of attention. Calm and positive mimic will be perceived positively and will help to build the right “mood” for the meeting.   And the posture. The man with a good posture will be perceived as a confident and optimistic. Slouch will signal that you are dependent, subordinated and insecure type of person.

How do you treat people? The great impact on the perception of the human will impose his positive attitude to the people. Ask yourself, why politicians on the eve of election campaigns so desperately creating the image of a “good Samaritan” who promises people to bring them into the bright future? If you want your partner to feel good about you, give the sense of importance. But don’t try too hard, otherwise, you will look nothing but like pleaser.

Speech and vocal variety. Even when you can’t see the other person you still able to create an image of him/her in your head. It happens because we associate the tone of the voice with certain characteristics of personality that individual. Our voice is reflecting all emotions and thought we have in mind. If you are upset, it’s quite difficult to sound happy, even if you are trying really hard.

Dress how you want to be addressed. The devil in details! Dress according to the place and case. You can’t look the same for the business event and for the meeting with your friends at the pub. You can, but the Devil in details. Even the little fact, that you wearing glasses, at work will have a positive impression. That will give you more serious and “smarter” look. It’s funny but a lot of people actually do that on purpose, just to get this type of impression.  But when you are in more chill and informal area you will look a little bit snobby.  I do wear glasses and trust me I’ve been told that I have to shut down my “teacher’s” look.  Try to avoid the status of wannabe, instead, just express your best sides. Also, avoid too strong smells (even if that is a very fancy perfume) and too bright makeup (if you are a girl, and again). Here is start working the law of criticism. The more you stand out from others, the more people are criticizing your actions. Be and look everything that the moment is required and you are gonna be fine.

Non-verbal communication. Follow the social rules of your cultural background. In some countries to avoid the eye contact will show that you are a slimy and rude type of person. But in other countries that may show the sense of respect to your peer. Same rules for body language and physical touch. Put your partner in the leading position and just lightly reflect his/her style of communication. 

Stay at your arm’s length. We all need personal space. We call it comfort zone, our personal safety bubble if you want. Don’t ruin this rule. Don’t be too close and too far from your partner until he/she let you.

Take care 😉

 The material has been written for this course.