Tag: business

How to win negotiations: survival kit!

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Hi, guys! In our previous blog, we’ve mentioned about the way to disarm your partner who is seeking for a confrontation and the ability to have in a cool head. Now we’ll dig into the actual methods of productive negotiations. Use one this model according to your own personal situation, it works!

  1. All discussed questions should relate directly to the subject of controversy. According to this model, the negotiation process will be based, on a particular subject of your contention. Following the discovery of the underlying issues and sources of a conflict, you’ll consider possible alternatives which will help you to resolve the conflict.
  2. Positional based model. This model involves steps such as seeking of mutually beneficial alternatives for a both parties. Their assessment of the feasibility, adjustment to each other and dealing with their arguments for a certain point of views. This model will ideally fit you if you are a tough type of a guy/girl. Bcoz the only options here are – be tough or you will be nudged! If you know that you are soft hearted person, most likely you’ll take the opposite side position, even if you’re right. You’ll take it as a compromise just to avoid personal conflict. But compromise, as you know it’s a win-lose position. If you taking a compromise, you losing something. Always. The winner will be the side who will take this situation as a contest of will!
  3. Interest based model. Everyone has hidden interest. So, before you’ll negotiate, spend some time to thinks/find out the hidden interest of your partner. If you know what they want you’ll rule the game. This model will ideally fit you if you are an analytical and observing type of a guy/girl.
  4. Principled negotiation or negotiation on the merits.This model developed at Harvard University. According to this model, the problem will be solved on the basis of the qualitative properties of the problem. This method involves the desire to seek mutual benefit in the same issues where the interests of the parties being in a conflict.6This requires two conditions:
    • a hard-line approach to the consideration of the merits
    • a soft approach to the relationship between the negotiators

 And four distinctive features:

  • Separate the subject of controversy from the “people’s problems.” You need to deal with the problem and not with each other. So, the first recommendation will be to distinguish the action between the subject of negotiations and relations between the participants.
  • Focus on interests, not positions.
  • Develop mutually beneficial options for both of you. It’s quite difficult to give up on your own point of view when you taking the other side position.
  • Insist on using objective criteria. The decision should not depend on the will of each of the parties. It must show some equitable norms.

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At the end, I would like to add that your success of negotiations depends not only on your chosen model but also on the position you take.

If you’ll stay in the closed position, your partner will probably perceive you as a slimy type of guy/girl who will try to avoid their true interests. It may cause mistrust.  And as a result, you may get delays in your negotiations. Heighten the conflict situation is not conducive to openness between partners.

But if you will stay open about your fears, clear with position, and honest. If you will try to emphasize community between both of you and your positions, most likely you’ll cooperate and get a win-win position.

Take care and good luck! 😉

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How to win negotiations: their tricks, your mistakes!

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The goal of any negotiations is settlements the disputes between the parties. Not always it will cause a conflict situation. But this is what you want to know to be prepared.

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Every negotiation process has the same constant stages:

1. Clarification of interests.
2. Discussion stage.
3. Work on the agreement.

Progress in the negotiations depends on the approach to the interaction which will be chosen by each party. Basic approaches are confrontation (bargaining) and partnership (a joint analysis of the problem).

If you are dealing with confrontation, here are the tricks you’ll meet from the other side:

  • Pressure in order to force you to agree on the proposed decision from the other side
  • Extension of ultimatums
  • Overstatement of the original requirements
  • False placement of accents (in the tough situation could be a pure extortion)
  • Extension of the requirements at the last minute
  •  Increasing demand
  •  “Waiting” or “silence” methods
  • “Flattery” if the other side is in the weaker position
  • “Salami” technique. This is when the other side is giving you the information by very small portions ( “thin slices”)
  • “Double interpretations”. Double meaning formulations in the final documents.

If you are dealing with partnership, you may expect this:

  • Increasing alternative solutions
  • The most pressing issues will be put on a side. The decision will be made not on the full range of problems and controversial issues will be out of the question
  • One party  will offer the principle of partition (to cut functions, territories, powers) and the other party will have to choose between them
  • Increasing the complexity of the issues

You also can expect unethical methods that can be used against you by the other side. Such as:

  • Delay of negotiation
  • Contracts with hidden dual structure
  • Could be used various kinds of tricks
  • Failure of obligations
  • Emphasizing high self-worth
  • Downplaying the other side
  • Rejection of the agreements that have been achieved

The best way to disarm the partner who is seeking a confrontation is countered his own communicative competence. What that mean is basically you want to invite him to build a partnership with you by using appropriate methods of communications. 

There are several methods and models for the productive negotiations, which we’ll cover in our next blog. But now let’s talk about most common mistakes you can make.

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  1. “It’s all clear!”  When one of the parties thinking this way, the situation is overly simplified. After all, once everything is clear, then there is nothing to discuss. So, there is no problem.
  2. “You trying to seek a mote in other’s eyes when theres a beam in our own”. It’s easy to see other’s shortcomings. However, in a conflict situation, you can’t blame just one side. On the other hand, if you’ll try to doubt  your own previous actions, with the desire to look at the situation through the eyes of your partner, and to see your own mistakes you’ll contribute cooperation between two parties.
  3. “I see myself as a generous person!” In every conflict situation, each party will think  that the truth is on their side. Everyone feels right, and the opposite party considers unfair. But prejudice is not the best background for negotiations.
  4.  “Double morality”. It’s not even about using “double standards” which exacerbates the conflict. But in a situation of disagreement, each party perceives their own  actions, as a legitimate rule, and actions of the other side as impermissible.
    Cooperation in that case, as you understand can’t be achievable.

Lots of problems also coming from the personal characteristics of each party, such as their character (choleric and phlegmatic, extrovert and introvert, etc.); their tendency to temper, resentment, irritability; difficulties in the perception of information; inadequate communication technology (partner manipulation, inadequate communication role, communicating position).

It is crucially important to control your emotional sphere. When a person “overwhelm” with emotions, it is impossible to LISTEN to the other side and correctly  express your own thoughts.
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To be continued…

Psychologically proven facts, which explains a lot…

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1. The average length of time which every woman able to keeps a secret is 47 hours 15 minutes.

2. To be alone for a too long as harmful as if you would smoke 15 cigarettes a day.

3. Bilingual people may unconsciously change their character when they are switching from one language to another.

4. People who are constantly trying to make others, at the end, are often being left alone.

5. Emotions are not affecting our style of communication. The way we say things really affecting our mood!

6. The higher human’s intelligence, the faster he thinks and the more promiscuous he is in handwriting.

7. People who have very strong sense of guilt, very well distinguishing emotions of others. They are the best detectors.

8. Men are not funnier than women, they just release more jokes, and never thinks whether other people like it or not.

9. Usually, the best pieces of advice will be given to you by those people who had lots of difficult moments and struggles in life.

10. On the first date, you can learn a lot about a person’s character, look at the way he/she treats the waiter or waitress.

11. Women are attracted to men who have a low husky voice because they seem to be very confident, but not aggressive.

12. Unsociable people always talking about themselves very little but most of the time you got the feeling that you knew them for a long time.

13. Women have two times more pain receptors than men, but also two times more pain threshold of tolerance.

14. When a person listens to music at the high frequencies, he becomes more relaxed, happy and relaxed.

15. If you have buzzing thoughts and you can’t sleep bcoz of it, write them down. Your head will become lighter and clearer.

16. SMS with the wishes of good morning and good night will activate part of the brain which is responsible for your happiness.

17. If you do things that scare you, you will become happier.

18. Friendship with someone, which we are starting in the period between 16 and 28 years, usually the most robust and long-lasting.

19. The happier we are, the less time we need to sleep.

20. When we being hurt and holding the hand of our loved one, we don’t feel so much pain and become less anxious.

21. People with the higher level of intelligence have fewer friends than the average person. The smarter we are the more selective we become.

22. There is a huge possibility that the marriage with your best friend will be more robust, and strong. That can decrease the risk of divorce by 70%.

23. Women who have most friends – men are more often being in a good mood.

24. Travel is beneficial to your mental health as well as it reduces the risk of your heart attack and depression.

25. You look much more attractive at the moment when you sharing your stories with interest and enthusiasm.

You are not ready yet!

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When I was a little girl I had to go in two schools the same time. First one was my original public school and the second one is musical. While other kids were playing around and being social after their lessons, I studied. And I can’t complain about that because I grew pretty curious and energetic kid. But my mom was very busy with her work, so the best way was to keep me busy with something while she is not around.

I enjoyed my literature lessons, where we had role-reading in class. And I remember how our teacher brought a novel one day. It was “Perfumer: The Story of a Murderer” by Patrick Suskind. And she made an open reading with this book from our lesson. And for those of you who never heard about this story, the novel tells about identity problems, the morality of the human spirit and communication. It was brave! We were around thirteen or fourteen years old only. And she let us talk about such thinks, she starts to ask our opinions. Later she represents for us very unique writers such as Bernard Weber, Paulo Coelho, and many others.

Of course, we always follow the ‘must have’ school program. She was a great teacher. Everything she brought for us extra was up to her. She wants us to discover the world of literature not in limitation of a school program. She wants us to try something different, to see the different point of views, and not to be quite about big problems.
Also, I enjoyed music. And my very first instrument was a violin. First, few years were amazing. I’ve been so much curious about my little violin. But later I got bored and lost any interest. In fact, my fingertips on a left-hand start lose sensitivity. And I couldn’t play these endless gamuts anymore. But my mom said, ‘You have to finish what you started’. So I came to my teacher and ask, maybe we can have some fun in our lessons? Maybe we can learn some modern songs to play? But she gave me a straight heavy look and said, ‘You’re not ready yet.’ And I wasn’t ready even after 3 more years. My rating scale was pretty down. I start to find silly excuses not to go to my musical school at all.

My mom saw my struggle, so she got for me another teacher. I was really dawned that I just can’t get rid of this music. I was tired. Other kids are having fun, they play, they hanging out. And I am the geeky girl who must distinguish Rimsky-Korsakov from Rachmaninoff by listening short pieces of their music on sol-fa lessons.

But I got a new teacher. And I even got a new instrument – the piano! The endless hell of sol-fa wasn’t finished for me. But! My new teacher was pretty amazing. She had composer classes. And the best part of these classes is that you never do any mistakes. Bcoz you are the one who creates the music. So I did. She was very supportive. She never says that I am doing the wrong tune if my music sounds bad. She just said, ‘its sounds unfinished, so you have to develop it to something else. Play some more.’ Also, she had a daughter almost my age. And Sasha was like me, she plays violin and piano. So we start to create our music together. It was really a good time. That’s how I learn about Jazz and Blues and Soul music. And it stole my heart.

Later, when I start having my own students (any kind of age) I learned, that you can give somebody wings to fly and creates unforgettable memories. And those would be not only memories but opportunities, the new skills, the spirit.

This is not about being ready or not ready to the learn something. This is about how bad you want it? And how many times you’re ready to fail and start over? 

When the kid starts learning how to walk he never questioned, ‘I fail all the time… maybe it just not mine? Maybe I was born to crawl?’

Yes, we all need to be trained. We all need to be educated. Education is everything but you can kill it with the low level of engagement for your students.

Even now, when I am learning something new I always meet ‘the bad’ and ‘the good’ teacher. But if your teacher/mentor/business coach make an accent that you are not ready to try something new/to do something/to learn something – walk away!

The World is big. There are millions teachers and mentors who would love to show you “the world” 🙂 without cutting your self-esteem off. Just keep on search it!

Good luck!

P.S. I lil bit of bio as an example. Maybe someone had been experienced like that too? Please share with me your stories. Lots of love. Thanks!;)

How to get rid of negative thoughts?

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How often do you fall into negative thoughts for a day? Just think about it? We are more willing to talk about things that we don’t like, rather than things we like! Wich means, we would prefer to criticize everything that goes around us and spends our pressure lifetime on that, rather that just be happy! That’s crazy!

I am guilty too, to be honest… a few days ago I’ve been insane to see how easily people I love giving up on their dreams and prefer nothing but to go with a flow! And they call it “the God’s will”… Well, I DO LOVE GOD! Nothing against it, but your journey into the wild is really on your own! God is just a guide. Doesn’t mean he will do the job for you! You have to do it yourself via experience, mistakes, lessons, pain, and so on. But that’s just me and my own point of view.

Anyway, if you falling into the same problem of having negative thoughts or being judgemental and critics, here are 4 simple methods to ger rid of it!

Cut it off!

As soon as you feel that your start falling into negative thoughts, simply cut it off. Don’t spend the time to analyze it or beat it! Don’t try to hide or protect yourself from it, simply replace it with something else. And the key principle here is you should do that immediately. At the very first moment, as soon as you felt negativity!

The issues in quotes.

This method is different from the first one. Here we distance ourselves from the negativity and watch it from the side. We need to switch our attention and perception of the information from the inside world to the outside. Don’t let the situation master you. Sometimes you may think, “What’s happening to me?” – Today I had such a thought… Put your buzzing thoughts in quotes and simply watch it from the side.
Negative thoughts have power over you if only you respond to them.

Exaggerate it!

Once you’ll find yourself in a negative place, you have to exaggerate it to the absurd. And the key point is to make it funny! You have to catch yourself on negative thoughts because your consciousness is the great deceiver. Every day your brain is trying to play with you some kind of a joke. Have you noticed it? Allow urself to make fun of your problems and create an absurd in your head. That will help you to deprive the negative thought influence. Because negative thoughts have power over you only if you respond to them.

Opposition.

All that the negative thought has said to us, we have to turn it to the exact opposite. Once you got the idea, “I won’t be able to make a sale,” you have to replace it with the opposite thought. Like so, “I certainly will be able to make a sale”. If you thought comes, “I will never be able to achieve financial success in life”, you should immediately replace it with such a statement as, “I’m sure I will achieve huge financial success in life.” As soon as the thought came: “I am such a looser. Everything I do is such a failure. I can’t do anything!” – you need to say to yourself, “I can do anything! I am unique and a very unusual man.”

I know, it is absolutely impossible to think about the negative and positive things at the same time. Because your consciousness can think of one thing at the time only. But when you’ll dispose the negative thoughts and replace it with the positive one, negative thought won’t have an influence over you.

Be creative with these methods and choose the one that will work for you the most! Do not let negativity rule your life!

 

 

 

 

Top 5 simple rules to improve engagement of your listeners

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As a teacher, I find top 5 simple rules that may help you improve your engagement of your listeners.  Take a look.

1. The time-limitation law. Witch says that first 10 minutes of presented information we perceive as actual 10 min of our time. Second 10 min we are perceiving as 20 min of our time. And the third 10 min as 30 min of our time. The more time you spend on talking non-stop, the faster your listeners will be tired and bored. So, all my lessons built around this low. All the important information try to put in the first part of your presentation. Also, do some breaks between the key points. Not necessarily it would be the actual 10 min and then break, sometimes it can be a bit longer, sometimes shorter. But try to stay in this limitation and you will see that you have a better engagement from your listeners.

2. Recall. All of my lessons starts from a recall of information my students already know. And then I can look for it in the middle of the lesson or by the end of it. Before presenting your ideas, try to get to know your  listeners. Maybe they already familiar with the topic you will present.  When you having interaction with your auditory it always helps to break the ice!

3. Feedback. I have to be focused on students engagement. The lesson is not about me, it’s about students and what they have learned. So, when I gave them a rule or new vocabulary I ask them to make an example from it. And I am trying to understand which way to present the information because every day is a different day. Always seek for a feedback. It’s important. Even when you being a speaker or a host follow your auditory reaction. Nothing can’t be worse than a speaker, who creates a stand-up comedy show for yourself when he trying to be funny. It’s not about you, it’s about them! 

4. Content. To make things interesting for my students I am bringing visual aids, cartoons or short movies, songs, toys e. t. c. Even if I am making an example, I follow their interest and trends. Don’t be afraid to use some extra materials or examples in your presentation/speech. Content is the king!

5. The possibility of using the information in real life. Most people could have a high rating scale in a classroom but stepping out could be challenging for some of them. I have to give them this challenge. I have to give them lots of communication. Speaking of motivation, sometimes I do open lessons. Which means we go out and we try to discover things via different things. I like the idea when my students can express their thoughts in a public. I am not always will be with them, so it’s good if they learn on their own. Thinks about value of your content. People are spending the time to listen to you. Respect it. Don’t talk about your company/products/services only. Give them some food for thoughts. Bring them some value. If you will help them with something, if they can learn something to increase their life or make it better… and because they spend time on you… You can be sure that they will give 200% of their attention to you.

Don’t crush your ideas! Make it right!

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In 1957 C. Northcote Parkinson (British naval historian and author of 60 books, the most famous of which was his bestseller Parkinson’s Law) came up with the law of triviality. This is an argument that members of an organization give disproportionate weight to trivial issues.
He writes about a finance committee meeting with a three-item agenda: The first is the signing of a £10 million contract to build a reactor, the second a proposal to build a £350 bicycle shed for the clerical staff, and the third proposes £21 a year to supply refreshments for the Joint Welfare Committee.

So the first item, which is £10 million contract, passes in two and a half minutes.

Parkinson describes the second item as – “Discussion goes on, therefore, for forty-five minutes, with the possible result of saving some £50. Members at length sit back with a feeling of accomplishment.”

And the third item he is writing: “Every man there knows about coffee – what it is, how it should be made where it should be bought – and whether indeed it should be bought at all. This item on the agenda will occupy the members for an hour and a quarter, and they will end by asking the secretary to procure further information, leaving the matter to be decided at the next meeting.”

As we can see people are more willing to talk about minor issues and give it more time than talk about something big and important! This desire is connected to the point that we all have an opinion based on our knowledge about something wide and little, like coffee. And we are pretty confident to talk about that. But if we talk about something big/specific we feel insecure. Cause we may not be specialists on the topic. And we can’t share our thought freely about that. So most of us will think: I don’t have experience on that, I can’t talk about that freely, I don’t understand in detail, so I will agree with someone who looks more knowledgeable than me.

And before you represent yourself/your idea to another person/company you must be carefully prepared what you will say. Work on your content, do a lot of research, use a simple language, give a proof to your words, make it visible, so they can see it. They can understand it. Follow their reaction and give the other side time to response. And that’s really important because you if you see that they are focusing more on something little, that your content is blurred to them. That’s a lack of understanding. And a lot of people fail on that.

Be clear about your big things at any levels. And always give a solution for something little, so no one spent time on that.

Good luck! 😉

The material has been written for this course.