Tag: self-control

Survival kit: advice for a lifetime!

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Stop wasting your time on self-flagellation! No one is perfect! You worth so much more than you think! There are 6 best pieces of advice for a lifetime. Print it and put it next to your eyes, so every time you’ll have some doubts, you’ll know what to do!

  1. Act on it now! Don’t wait for a perfect moment. The perfect moment is here and now! Proceed immediately! If you want to do something great one day, remember one day It’s today. – George Lucas.
  2. Invent as you go! Don’t wait till you become a pro into something. If you want to try something new, start businesses, or enroll some educational program – allow yourself to learn in a process. Studies show that the most talented interpreters are the people who start their businesses with a high level of motivation and persistence. Most of the knowledge they have now were gutted in the process.
  3. Just keep doing! Give your dream at least an hour of your time, but every day. Persistence is the key to your success. Stay humble and work!
  4. Cry inside like a winner! 🙂 Well, what can I say? no one likes people who complains. Everyone have problems. If you able to get attention from the other person, use it to learn, gain, or sail something. Never complain. No one’s care! 🙂
  5. Give the price of your words! If you can’t keep your promises what kind of impression you’ll get? Same about people who likes to talk just for shaking the air to look cool. Words mean nothing! Don’t overtell! And if you a promising something – give a price of your words! Make a “contract” and find a third party to prove it! If you are planning to achieve your goal by the end of this year what will be your punishment if you fail? This is actually very cool system. You’ll have not only natural motivation but also people who will watch your success and the feelings of losing something important/expensive for you. (By the end of 2016 I will lose 25 pounds! And if I’ll fail I’ll give away my new Iphone7! How about that? Motivating isn’t it? 🙂 One little remark here, when you a giving a price to your promise this price would be equal to your outcome. In other words, the feeling of losing should be equal the happiness when you’ll achieve your goal.
  6. Do it fast! Don’t spend much time on taking a decision. There are lots of techniques that can help you with making a difficult decision, for example, Descartes square:desc_1But if you still can’t make a decision., leave it and think about it tomorrow. Next morning is the best time for your brain to make a decision, it’s free from pressure and excitement.
  7. What hurts you now, leads the wisdom later! And this is literally about everything! Take it to your own personal situation in the past and you’ll see.

Hope this will help you and take care:)

How to win negotiations: survival kit!

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Hi, guys! In our previous blog, we’ve mentioned about the way to disarm your partner who is seeking for a confrontation and the ability to have in a cool head. Now we’ll dig into the actual methods of productive negotiations. Use one this model according to your own personal situation, it works!

  1. All discussed questions should relate directly to the subject of controversy. According to this model, the negotiation process will be based, on a particular subject of your contention. Following the discovery of the underlying issues and sources of a conflict, you’ll consider possible alternatives which will help you to resolve the conflict.
  2. Positional based model. This model involves steps such as seeking of mutually beneficial alternatives for a both parties. Their assessment of the feasibility, adjustment to each other and dealing with their arguments for a certain point of views. This model will ideally fit you if you are a tough type of a guy/girl. Bcoz the only options here are – be tough or you will be nudged! If you know that you are soft hearted person, most likely you’ll take the opposite side position, even if you’re right. You’ll take it as a compromise just to avoid personal conflict. But compromise, as you know it’s a win-lose position. If you taking a compromise, you losing something. Always. The winner will be the side who will take this situation as a contest of will!
  3. Interest based model. Everyone has hidden interest. So, before you’ll negotiate, spend some time to thinks/find out the hidden interest of your partner. If you know what they want you’ll rule the game. This model will ideally fit you if you are an analytical and observing type of a guy/girl.
  4. Principled negotiation or negotiation on the merits.This model developed at Harvard University. According to this model, the problem will be solved on the basis of the qualitative properties of the problem. This method involves the desire to seek mutual benefit in the same issues where the interests of the parties being in a conflict.6This requires two conditions:
    • a hard-line approach to the consideration of the merits
    • a soft approach to the relationship between the negotiators

 And four distinctive features:

  • Separate the subject of controversy from the “people’s problems.” You need to deal with the problem and not with each other. So, the first recommendation will be to distinguish the action between the subject of negotiations and relations between the participants.
  • Focus on interests, not positions.
  • Develop mutually beneficial options for both of you. It’s quite difficult to give up on your own point of view when you taking the other side position.
  • Insist on using objective criteria. The decision should not depend on the will of each of the parties. It must show some equitable norms.

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At the end, I would like to add that your success of negotiations depends not only on your chosen model but also on the position you take.

If you’ll stay in the closed position, your partner will probably perceive you as a slimy type of guy/girl who will try to avoid their true interests. It may cause mistrust.  And as a result, you may get delays in your negotiations. Heighten the conflict situation is not conducive to openness between partners.

But if you will stay open about your fears, clear with position, and honest. If you will try to emphasize community between both of you and your positions, most likely you’ll cooperate and get a win-win position.

Take care and good luck! 😉

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Passionate heart and a cool mind

aa4ddfd4b5f6ea67163f0c2906d6f1f2 A passionate heart is great! No doubts, it’s always the best motivation in things you do and with people you love. If you living the life full of passion you living with the feelings that you able to move mountains. Every day is such a journey! Big passion creates big ambitions. It is killing your fear and letting you dare to meet challenges without hesitation.

But when your passion is leading you. When your emotions getting out of control, there is a big possibility to destroy your life.

Strive to balance – should become our life motto!

Look at people around you. They are living in status quo “not enough”… Not enough food, not enough money, not enough lovers, not enough fame/appreciation  e.t.c. They strive for excesses and don’t even think that they are walking a tightrope.

When your emotions are controlling your life you can’t have a sober view of things. And that means that you will probably become a hostage of your “dreams”.

It’s ok. We all have it once in a while. Our ego loves to play with us 🙂 Here are some tips that helping me to chill out and look at the situation with a different perspective. Hope you will find if helpful too 😉

  • No drama! Don’t overestimate the problem! Calm down and get yourself together. Soberly assess the situation. Follow your thoughts. See which way it goes and try to find at least more than 2 possible scenarios to your problem. Every problem has a solution! Tune in a positive way and you will feel much better. That will help you to win the time before you’ll actually do something about it. Do not panic!
  •  Create a calm space.  Try to get rid of all that the white noise around you (everything that can bother you and put you in a more frustration and stress). This may be a noisy place, emotional people around you, cell phone, tv and so on. Some people get more panic from the actual silence. If you want to think about your situation, analyze it and find a solution to it, create/find calm space for you. So nothing can bother.
  • You CAN control your emotions! Learn to control your emotions. No need to panic, screaming and fall into hysterics. Try to relax and breathe calmly. First of all take off your shoes and the belt (if you have it)! You need to stabilize your blood pressure and relax your muscles. Breathe deep and slow for a few minutes. Till you will feel that your heartbeat getting slower. Turn your focus to your right foot and focus on the way it feels. Then to the left foot. Relax your muscles and keep breathing. Slowly move up through your body. Keep breathing. In may took you 8-10 min. But you will feel better. You will be more stable and calm. You’ll succeed when you’ll try. That technique works with most of the people.

    Before you’ll share your problems with anyone (!)

    Independently think about your situation, weigh all the “pros and cons”. Think which way will help you to solve the problems as you consider in the most successful way? Don’t report to all the people around you about your current situation. Chill out and think over yourself first. And only then, if it’s necessary, share with others.

    Always listen to your inner voice! If you can’t hear it, train yourself. Spend more time with yourself. Meditate. And don’t be too hard on yourself. Sometimes all that we have to do, is just switch our attention to something else. And the solution will come.

    All the answers are withing us! It’s always better to have a passionate heart with a cool  mind. Then burning yourself from the inside 😉

Take care!

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People you are too comfortable with…

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Hi, guys!

Before the weekends I want you to give some food for thoughts. This blog will be simple but very analytical (if only I can use this word) for your character and life.

Most of you probably heard about Boiling Frog Syndrome.

Scientists put a frog into a pot with water. And they started to rising temperature very slow. Just because the frog is cold-blooded animal his body felt comfortable in the pot with room temperature water. The frog adjusted to the slowly rising temperature without a problem or feeling the danger. 
But when scientists tried to bring the frog to the pot with boiling water, a green little guy tried to escape. His body reacted immediately. 
Why am I bringing you this story? Yesterday my friend and I talked about pros and cons in a friendship between man and female while someone in serious relationships/marriage. He told me that it’s totally fine to have a “friends” (girls). His girlfriend understands that and it doesn’t damage his relationship with her.
So I asked him, “I do understand the fact that sort of friendship exists, but it’s great when you meet each other in the company. And not tet-a-tet. How come she support you with that if you’re back home in the middle of the night after “meeting with a friend?”
And he said to me, “Well I don’t do anything bad. I am just talking. I like to spend time with my “friend” (girl). She is very fun and interesting to talk with. And I am not a cheater. Even when I want to cheat, I never do that. My girlfriend trusts me.”
And asked, “What do you think now?” He kept silent.
That’s the thing! When something happening up front, we just like that frog feeling the danger and trying to escape. But when we are too comfortable someone can get us on a hook! And who knows what kind of outcome you’ll get at the end?
Back to our story about the green little guy… The outcome is boiling delicious frog soup! 😉 Unfortunately, when this little guy understood that he is in danger, it was too late…. 🙂
I am not telling you that you should cut off all the friends out of your soulmate, not at all. I am just telling you to be aware of people with who he/she is too comfortable with. You can trust to your partner, for sure. But you’ll never trust to the other person. Everybody is different and not everybody is angels.
Take care!
 

The importance of the positive experience

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Today I want to share with you one secret that made a lifetime changes for me. I got it from my coach. Several years ago, when I had sports training I’ve been a very insecure type of person. Moreover, I was very dispersed. I got inspired easily, but I had such a lack of determination to go through the whole process.

In fact, seeing the success of others didn’t bring me as much motivation, as it brings me an inferiority feeling. The idea of competition just terrified me. Why compete if I will lose anyway? Even the fact that my body physic was better and I were stronger. I spend hours and hours of training every day. I almost didn’t have rest days. And when I did, I felt guilty. And the more I trained the more unreliable and inferiority I felt. I didn’t even realize what kind of pressure I’m putting myself in with no reason. And no one told me that. Until him…

He starts to train me and on the second day he told me: “You don’t have a positive experience, don’t you?”
I didn’t understand him, “What do you mean?”
He: “When you never experienced something in your life, you don’t know that you can, deserve or able to win that.”
Me: “Yes, but I am trying so hard. I work every day to become better. I sweat, I got injuries, I risk!”
He: “No matter how hard you’ll work on that. Do you even win something before? Do you ever compete at this level for real?”
“No, I don’t…” – I was so upset. All trying for nothing. I was frustrated.
He: “Look I didn’t say that you can’t do it. I just said that you have a lack of positive experience. Fix that and you will be able to do a lot!” 

And then he told me about the positive experience approach in his training.

The idea of this approach is that no matter what you do, always complete it on a positive note. Seek for a happy ending whatever it sounds like 😉
The benefit of the positive experiences will appear only when your subconscious mind will be saturated with the positive memories from the past, which increases self-esteem and motivating for new achievements.

Efficiency terms:

  • follow the working/training system
  • availability information/resources and it’s feasible
  • constant work every day – just keep doing!
  • control and correction results
  • summary your personal qualities and identify your “cool” factor
  • the combination of individual, group and collective forms of efforts, and so on.

When your positive experience is strong enough you will remember it every time, when you will start something new. So you will reduce fear and pressure, and prejudgment from the beginning. And that means that the possible level of your success will increase in many times.

A human being with a strong positive experience is inherently more resistant to different types of failure and shocks in life, which can easily crush anyone, but not him!

Take care! And seek for a happy ending  in everything you do. Whatever it sounds like 😉