Tag: self-development

If I can’t have it, neither can you!

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Today I had pretty interesting phone call.  It was an international call with one of my peer. We talked about qualification, certifications, and many other random things. I shared with her my ideas about traveling, internships. And how is nowadays, to have an international real life experience, brings you move value as a specialist on a “market” than a bunch of diplomas on your wall.

I told her that is an amazing thing to have a cosmopolitan life and be able to meet new cultures, peers and exchange experiences. Try things you’ve never tried before! Come up with your own methods and techniques in your work!  Get new mentors! At the end of the day, you can see new opportunities for business if you are interested. Isn’t it’s great?

But she didn’t share my excitement. In fact, she told me that she is already reached her “higher level of self-development” as a specialist and she is able to teach everyone else. That to “go global” is a waste of time, extra stress, and a possibility gets diarrhea…

I didn’t start a fight with her. But it made me think. How many people around us just sitting on their buts to get their check paid? Seriously!  They don’t need anything! They don’t care how they are influencing your life. They don’t care will you get a real knowledge or not? Will you become someone and grow? Will you reach your dreams? They against every possible change, because being out of the comfort zone didn’t guarantee a paid check for them! After all, such people will use their best efforts to make you think that you are ” such a dreamer” (in the very best polite way).You know… I’ve been upset after talking to her, to be honest. But then I remember one story.

There is such a wonderful thing called the crab bucket theory which literally means a short-sighted way of thinking or myopic thinking.  In short, it says that the crabs are such a stupid animals that individually each of them could easily get out of the bucket. But when one of them is trying to get out, the others is clinging to his back and tightened him.

So as people, when you are trying to quit smoking and someone will say, “I tried  for a few days and it didn’t work. You are gonna fail too! Haha” and you’ll take it. And later will smoke without feeling of guilt…  It’s a crab bucket! When you are trying to follow a healthy diet someone will tell you, “Dude, it’s just a question of a time, you’ll still keep dream about it! Eat some donut! You’ll start your diet tomorrow. – yes, crab bucket!

Unfortunately, it’s a human nature… We can’t  do anything about it, except for one thing! We have to be stronger than the bucket and push forward, even when a hundred people are pulling you back!

 

 

Wide lens for your life

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When you questioning yourself about life and how things should go in your life. Take a moment and ask yourself this…

What is your life about? Do you like an old man or like a young and full passion man?

What is worse, fall or never try

If life is too short, why do you do things that you don’t like? And why you almost don’t have time for something/someone you really love?

If you are allowed to change only one thing in the world, what would it be?

If happiness will be the national currency, what kind of work would make you rich?

Do you do things for what you believe, or trying to believe in what you are doing?

If the average human life lasted 40 years, what would you change in your life, so you live it in the most exciting way?

What makes you worry the most: to make things right or do the right thing?

If you will have lunch with three people you respect and appreciate. And they will start to criticize your close friend, not knowing that you are friends with him. You know that this criticism is unfair and humiliating. What will you do?

If you could give to a kid only one piece of advice, what would you say?

Would you break the law in order to save a loved one?

What in this life do you differently than other people don’t? How do you different from others?

How is it that, that something that makes you happy, doesn’t make happy other people?

What do you really want to do, but never tried before? What is stopping you from that?

Why do you hold something for so long, when you know that it’s time to let go?

If you will have to move to another country, where would you move and why?

Why do you do it? Is it really what you want? Is that you?

What are you most thankful for?

What would you do if your greatest fear became real?

Do you remember how you were terribly upset 5 years ago? Does it matter now?

What is your happiest memory of childhood? What makes it so?

If not now, then when?

If you haven’t achieved something yet, what is missing in your action plan?

Why are the people who preach love, are causing so many aggression and violence?

Is it possible to be clear and straight about what is good and what is bad?

If you will get a million dollars now, would you quit your job?

Do you have the feeling that today is the day that you lived before? Dejavu?

When was the last time you started to be active about something and take actions on it?

If everyone you know will die tomorrow, who you will visit first?

Would you like to exchange the 10 years of your life to worldwide fame and awesome physical appearance?

What is the difference between  life and existence?

When it comes time to observe the risks and take actions why do you stop?

If we learn from our mistakes, why are we afraid to make them?

What would you do differently, if you will know that no one will blame and judge you for that?

When was the last time you noticed the sound of your own breathing? Your heartbeat?

What do you love? What do you do to express your love?

For each day of the past 5 years, will you be able to remember what did you do yesterday? The day before yesterday?

The decisions are taken here and now. Do you take it yourself or someone takes them for you?

How to get rid of negative thoughts?

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How often do you fall into negative thoughts for a day? Just think about it? We are more willing to talk about things that we don’t like, rather than things we like! Wich means, we would prefer to criticize everything that goes around us and spends our pressure lifetime on that, rather that just be happy! That’s crazy!

I am guilty too, to be honest… a few days ago I’ve been insane to see how easily people I love giving up on their dreams and prefer nothing but to go with a flow! And they call it “the God’s will”… Well, I DO LOVE GOD! Nothing against it, but your journey into the wild is really on your own! God is just a guide. Doesn’t mean he will do the job for you! You have to do it yourself via experience, mistakes, lessons, pain, and so on. But that’s just me and my own point of view.

Anyway, if you falling into the same problem of having negative thoughts or being judgemental and critics, here are 4 simple methods to ger rid of it!

Cut it off!

As soon as you feel that your start falling into negative thoughts, simply cut it off. Don’t spend the time to analyze it or beat it! Don’t try to hide or protect yourself from it, simply replace it with something else. And the key principle here is you should do that immediately. At the very first moment, as soon as you felt negativity!

The issues in quotes.

This method is different from the first one. Here we distance ourselves from the negativity and watch it from the side. We need to switch our attention and perception of the information from the inside world to the outside. Don’t let the situation master you. Sometimes you may think, “What’s happening to me?” – Today I had such a thought… Put your buzzing thoughts in quotes and simply watch it from the side.
Negative thoughts have power over you if only you respond to them.

Exaggerate it!

Once you’ll find yourself in a negative place, you have to exaggerate it to the absurd. And the key point is to make it funny! You have to catch yourself on negative thoughts because your consciousness is the great deceiver. Every day your brain is trying to play with you some kind of a joke. Have you noticed it? Allow urself to make fun of your problems and create an absurd in your head. That will help you to deprive the negative thought influence. Because negative thoughts have power over you only if you respond to them.

Opposition.

All that the negative thought has said to us, we have to turn it to the exact opposite. Once you got the idea, “I won’t be able to make a sale,” you have to replace it with the opposite thought. Like so, “I certainly will be able to make a sale”. If you thought comes, “I will never be able to achieve financial success in life”, you should immediately replace it with such a statement as, “I’m sure I will achieve huge financial success in life.” As soon as the thought came: “I am such a looser. Everything I do is such a failure. I can’t do anything!” – you need to say to yourself, “I can do anything! I am unique and a very unusual man.”

I know, it is absolutely impossible to think about the negative and positive things at the same time. Because your consciousness can think of one thing at the time only. But when you’ll dispose the negative thoughts and replace it with the positive one, negative thought won’t have an influence over you.

Be creative with these methods and choose the one that will work for you the most! Do not let negativity rule your life!

 

 

 

 

Top 5 simple rules to improve engagement of your listeners

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As a teacher, I find top 5 simple rules that may help you improve your engagement of your listeners.  Take a look.

1. The time-limitation law. Witch says that first 10 minutes of presented information we perceive as actual 10 min of our time. Second 10 min we are perceiving as 20 min of our time. And the third 10 min as 30 min of our time. The more time you spend on talking non-stop, the faster your listeners will be tired and bored. So, all my lessons built around this low. All the important information try to put in the first part of your presentation. Also, do some breaks between the key points. Not necessarily it would be the actual 10 min and then break, sometimes it can be a bit longer, sometimes shorter. But try to stay in this limitation and you will see that you have a better engagement from your listeners.

2. Recall. All of my lessons starts from a recall of information my students already know. And then I can look for it in the middle of the lesson or by the end of it. Before presenting your ideas, try to get to know your  listeners. Maybe they already familiar with the topic you will present.  When you having interaction with your auditory it always helps to break the ice!

3. Feedback. I have to be focused on students engagement. The lesson is not about me, it’s about students and what they have learned. So, when I gave them a rule or new vocabulary I ask them to make an example from it. And I am trying to understand which way to present the information because every day is a different day. Always seek for a feedback. It’s important. Even when you being a speaker or a host follow your auditory reaction. Nothing can’t be worse than a speaker, who creates a stand-up comedy show for yourself when he trying to be funny. It’s not about you, it’s about them! 

4. Content. To make things interesting for my students I am bringing visual aids, cartoons or short movies, songs, toys e. t. c. Even if I am making an example, I follow their interest and trends. Don’t be afraid to use some extra materials or examples in your presentation/speech. Content is the king!

5. The possibility of using the information in real life. Most people could have a high rating scale in a classroom but stepping out could be challenging for some of them. I have to give them this challenge. I have to give them lots of communication. Speaking of motivation, sometimes I do open lessons. Which means we go out and we try to discover things via different things. I like the idea when my students can express their thoughts in a public. I am not always will be with them, so it’s good if they learn on their own. Thinks about value of your content. People are spending the time to listen to you. Respect it. Don’t talk about your company/products/services only. Give them some food for thoughts. Bring them some value. If you will help them with something, if they can learn something to increase their life or make it better… and because they spend time on you… You can be sure that they will give 200% of their attention to you.

Don’t crush your ideas! Make it right!

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In 1957 C. Northcote Parkinson (British naval historian and author of 60 books, the most famous of which was his bestseller Parkinson’s Law) came up with the law of triviality. This is an argument that members of an organization give disproportionate weight to trivial issues.
He writes about a finance committee meeting with a three-item agenda: The first is the signing of a £10 million contract to build a reactor, the second a proposal to build a £350 bicycle shed for the clerical staff, and the third proposes £21 a year to supply refreshments for the Joint Welfare Committee.

So the first item, which is £10 million contract, passes in two and a half minutes.

Parkinson describes the second item as – “Discussion goes on, therefore, for forty-five minutes, with the possible result of saving some £50. Members at length sit back with a feeling of accomplishment.”

And the third item he is writing: “Every man there knows about coffee – what it is, how it should be made where it should be bought – and whether indeed it should be bought at all. This item on the agenda will occupy the members for an hour and a quarter, and they will end by asking the secretary to procure further information, leaving the matter to be decided at the next meeting.”

As we can see people are more willing to talk about minor issues and give it more time than talk about something big and important! This desire is connected to the point that we all have an opinion based on our knowledge about something wide and little, like coffee. And we are pretty confident to talk about that. But if we talk about something big/specific we feel insecure. Cause we may not be specialists on the topic. And we can’t share our thought freely about that. So most of us will think: I don’t have experience on that, I can’t talk about that freely, I don’t understand in detail, so I will agree with someone who looks more knowledgeable than me.

And before you represent yourself/your idea to another person/company you must be carefully prepared what you will say. Work on your content, do a lot of research, use a simple language, give a proof to your words, make it visible, so they can see it. They can understand it. Follow their reaction and give the other side time to response. And that’s really important because you if you see that they are focusing more on something little, that your content is blurred to them. That’s a lack of understanding. And a lot of people fail on that.

Be clear about your big things at any levels. And always give a solution for something little, so no one spent time on that.

Good luck! 😉

The material has been written for this course.

James Borg and his types of conversationalists… Part 2

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In our previous blog, we start to discover the types of people according to James Borg theory.  He explains that all people can be divided into 5 main types. And each type needs his own method of communication. We also taught how critically important for the great first impression the process of adjustment to your partner.

Not a secret that we are more open and respective to the people and information that we like. Subconsciously we always will choose people who are similar to us. And information which is sounds familiar. This choice is connected to the point that when we relate to someone or something we feel confident.

To be on a friendly footing with people you’ll need to take their own unique method of communication. So they will feel connected with you from the very first moment.

S0, let’s continue…

3. “The cool guy”. 

He would listen to you carefully on the phone and ask you to meet him in person. He will be fun and easy to talk with. He would ask you to be informal and to call by his name. If he interested in you or your ideas he won’t play with you in cat-and-mouse! He will let you know immediately.

 Сommunication tactics

With this type of individual, you always will feel nice and beneficial. So try to be as honest and open, as you can. And don’t abuse his sincerity and hospitality.

4. Meticulous type.

He usually thinks and talks slowly.  By the moment when he is ready to communicate with you, he gathered  enough necessary information about topics of negotiation, you and your company. He likes to dig into the topics before he will talk. And he takes things literally. If you said that your meeting will last 30 minutes, he will listen to you exactly for 30 minutes. Any extra time will be just waste of a time and the reason to complain about. When the meeting is over he will ask you to write and send a list of the issues which were previously discussed. Make a note that all the things you said, he can forget. But the contents of the letter will be remembered for a long time. Before making a final decision, take some time to think about these issues … and get the approval from a third party. This can require a few meetings more. So please be patient.

 Сommunication tactics

Be completely opposite to him. Speak an average pace, and only when it’s necessary. Be clear and answer to the questions without doubts. Never interrupt him and never be late. After negotiations, pay particular attention to the final summary letter!

5. Pig in a poke. 

This “character” will try to use you by wearing the mast of a “nice guy”. He is interested only in his personal gain, and what can you do for that. He will use the ostentatious friendliness. However, he would not come out of his desk. He will scrutinize your business card, trying to determine the status of its owner. Most likely, he’ll ask some general questions to make you arrange for a frank conversation. If he decides that you are an important person and can feed his request for a personal gain, then you will be offered not the only cup of tea but even the cookies 😉 Otherwise, your conversation will be very cool and short.

 

 Сommunication tactics

Be careful with what you are saying and don’t trust a pair of pretty smiles. Don’t gossip and don’t say too much.  Do not lose self-control. Remember that he is watching you and waiting “the moment”. Stand up proud and know your worth. Usually, this type of people respects this quality. 

Now you know all 5 main types of people according to J.Borg theory and your communication tactics. It should help you to make the process of adjustment to your partner easier.

Good luck with trying and take care!

Let me know how it goes 😉

 

 

 

James Borg and his types of conversationalists… Part 1

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James Borg, in his book “The Power of persuasion. The Art of Influence People” identifies five main types of conversationalists. He explains that all people can be divided into 5 main types. And each type needs his own method of communication. Let’s look at them.

1.  “Hurry up! Make it short! Come on!”

He is afraid to miss new opportunities, so he is willing to give a chance to anyone who get his attention and make him listen to you. But don’t expect that you’ll feel “special” in that moment. The motto for this type of person – Time is money!

Don’t even try to get the initiative in the conversation. This type of individual loves to take control of the situation. He will speak quickly and clever. He will observe a lot. And he won’t stop to remember you that he is spending time with you, by looking at watch once in a while.

Your tactics:

When he is inviting you to a meeting, he is expecting the positive ending. So go direct with your idea. Speak briefly and be on point and don’t fall to the law of triviality (we will talk about this law in our next blogs). Know exactly what you will talk about and avoid “the water”. Be clear about your big things at any levels. And always give a solution to something little, so you won’t spend time on that.

2. “What benefits can I get from this?”

They will accept any proposals in writing form only. They prefer to communicate through their secretary. When they confirm the meeting you definitely will feel like they are giving you a fever. Your dialogue will be nothing but the pure work with objections and criticism. Every your statement will meet a hundred and hundreds of arguments.
“You are mistaken”,” This is not gonna work”, “You not enough experienced to do that!” e.t.c.
But don’t take it personally. This is just a tactic to put you in a place and show that they are the one who has authority and knowledge.
The reality is this, often they don’t know much. They just don’t have enough time to cover everything, so they work with preconceptions on a regular basis.
However, it is not necessary to expose it! Work with it!

Your tactics:

You are dealing with superiority. Break his model of negotiations and power. Ask him to sit next to you on the sofa. Say that it’s necessary. Just find any excuse: you have a back pain, you need a socket for your laptop and the power cord is short, e. t. c. Be assertive and don’t take your opponent’s attacks too personally.

To be continued…